Save the date etiquette

What does a save the date promise?

An invitation. A save the date tells someone they're on the list, so anyone who gets one will be watching the mailbox for the invitation that follows. Keep it to the people you'd invite even if the budget gets tight, and add the maybes once the list is final. Sending a late one is easy. Asking for one back isn't.

It doesn't ask guests for anything. They put the date on their calendar and wait for the invitation, which is where the time, the venue's address and the RSVP date go. A few will text back to say congratulations, or to say they can't make it. That's nice of them, but don't plan around it.

It also isn't the invitation. Every guest who gets a save the date gets a formal invitation later as well, and save the date vs. invitation covers what goes on each.

Who gets a save the date?

Everyone you're certain to invite, plus-ones included once you've decided on them. The first questions are whether sending one means you have to invite that person and who belongs on the list at all. After that come the edges: plus-ones, kids, addressing one to a whole family, your parents, the wedding party, coworkers, and the people you already know can't come.

How should you send a save the date?

Send it however each guest is most likely to open it, from whoever is hosting. The questions here are whether a text or an email is OK, whether a digital save the date is rude to relatives who'd rather get one in the mail, whose names it goes out under, and whether to put your wedding website on it. For the words on the card, see save the date wording, and for getting one link to everyone, how to send a save the date.

Do guests need to RSVP to a save the date?

No, and nobody should get a follow-up text asking whether they're coming. The questions here are whether it's polite to reply anyway and what to make of guests who never say a word. Neither changes the rule. The save the date gives notice, and RSVPs come with the invitation.

When should you send a save the date?

Once the date is locked in and the guest list is settled. If the date moves after that, tell everyone who got one before anything else goes out. These are about timing: sending one before you've booked the venue, how soon after the engagement, whether an engagement party changes anything, and what to tell guests when the date changes. For how many months ahead to send, and how long printed cards take to order, see when to send save the dates.

Does a destination wedding or a small one change the rules?

Not the basic ones. A destination wedding, or guests flying in from overseas, needs more notice so people can book flights and ask for time off, and a small wedding bends some of the usual advice. Each of those is a question below. If you haven't decided whether to send save the dates at all, start with do you need save the dates.

Questions answered so far

• Can you send save the dates by text or email?